Happy Birthday to a REAL Country

quebec libreWant to see me burst out into guffaws of laughter that would make a drunken uncle blush?

Have a separatist tell me Canada isn’t a real country.

I like that one.

But I’m not going to waste time here explaining to our career-welfare recipients why Canada is as real as it gets.

No way.

Instead, I want to share with you something that recently rattled me to my foundations.

I read about a play showing in Toronto, I believe it’s called Apocalypsis.

The play debuts with an African girl who came to Canada as a refugee.

I can’t recall the exact country, but when I’m done telling you this story, I think you’ll be able to guess.

At the age of 12, this girl’s village was attacked by rebels.

True to the nature of backwood African militiamen, these rebels were brutal and merciless.

They forced this girl to watch them hack her parents to death with machetes…only to chop off both of her hands right afterwards.

She fled the village with her arms bleeding and charged for the woods surrounding her village.

That was the last thing thing she remembered about that horrible night.

When she woke up, she was in a hospital bed and the stumps that are now her arms were heavily bandaged.

Shut Up

Listen, I’m sure that some separatists can read this and come up with trite comments about how the African rebel attack simply doesn’t apply to the Canada-Quebec situation.

They’re very good at that kind of thing.

Making excuses is the easiest thing in the world.

That’s why all separatists are so good at it.

Will I be celebrating Canada’s birthday?

No…or at least, not in the way sovereignists celebrate Holy Separatist Day.

I won’t be wearing the colours.

I won’t be waving a flag.

I will however, think of the African girl and millions of others like her — man, woman and child alike, who endure conditions and brutality we simply can’t wrap our thoughts around.

What I will be celebrating is the attitude of gratitude.

Every single one of us born here in Canada are winners of one of the greatest lotteries ever.

We were born in a country where our poor are rich compared to the poor of other nations.

When the global economy melted in 2008, we suffered like everyone else, but thanks to our infrastructure, we recovered five times faster than the U.S.

Gun violence in this country isn’t even a glimmer of what it is down in the U.S.

We have ready access to all kinds of loans to help us along.

The only people who can’t see this abundance are the ones who’ll be looking to make trouble on the 1st of July.

To those people, I say SHUT UP.

Canada Day is not the day where we should have to hear your excuses for hating.

It’s a day to for celebration and for separatists, a day to face the truth.

Truth #1: The reason you’re unemployed/undermployed is not for a lack of opportunities for the Francophone, it’s because you’re fucking lazy. Really, it’s that simple.

Truth #2: If Quebec looks broke, it’s because that’s true – it really is broke, but not for the reason separatists think it is. It’s not broke because Ottawa won’t take its foot off Quebec’s neck. It’s broke because previous governments behaved like degenarate gamblers.

Truth #3: The reason French is disappearing in Montreal is not the cause of some federal scheme, it’s simply what happens when a melting pot is situated so close to two English entities and has ready access to English media. If you don’t like it, do a better job of raising your kids.

Truth #4: You also can’t blame Ottawa for not having the same respect for the environment that Quebec does – not when Quebec has the highest rate of per-capita car ownership.

Tomorrow, while those of us who understand how lucky they are to live in Canada count their blessings, a tiny pocket of the country’s population will grit their teeth in anger over the fact that they’re losers who’ve accomplished nothing in life.

Despite the abundance of opportunity and financial support from both the public and private sectors, they find themselves at the very bottom of the barrel. Blaming everyone else but themselves for that fact is the easiest thing in the world.

Welcome to Canada!

To any new arrivals and refugees reading this, I want to say, welcome – make yourselves at home and enjoy the comforts.

If anyone tells you you’re not welcome, just ignore them.

Take care.

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Happy Holy Separatist Day!

I was hoping to take this week kind of easy.

The summer heat’s been F’N up my sleep and I’ve gotten my ass hopelessly addicted to binge-watching season 3 of Orange Is The New Black.

But this of course, is St. Jean Baptiste week and what would this week be if we didn’t have the ire of chest-thumping nationalism showing us just how retrograde and what little the “OUI” vote has to offer Quebec society.

Where to begin?

Oh yeah… I’m not going to get into this one. You’ll just have to read it and make what you will from it.

I WANT you to do drugs…

Don’t know about you, but I’ve done lots of drugs in my lifetime.

Started pretty early too.

You know what’s really ironic?

My parents always told me: “Don’t you ever do drugs!”

My school principal would always tell us: “Don’t you ever do drugs!”

The police visiting our school would also say: “Don’t you ever do drugs!”

That just made me even more curious and it was inevitable that I would eventually get my first taste.

Anyone who understands anything about psychology knows that coercion very often leads to the exact outcome you were hoping to suppress.

You’d figure that Longueil mayor Carole St. Hilaire, a mother of four, if I’m not mistaken would understand this premise.

Clearly she does not.

That’s why she published the following outburst on Face de Bouk regarding a Longueil councillor’s insistence on delivering his discourses in both languages:

“C’est pourtant simplement une question de bon sens et de respect: 96 % de la population de Longueuil comprend le français, il n’a donc pas besoin de traduire systématiquement tous ses propos en anglais, chaque fois qu’il prend la parole, sous prétexte qu’il veut être compris par l’ensemble de la population. Nous sommes au Québec et les délibérations au conseil de ville DOIVENT se dérouler en français”

She was met with criticism for her remarks.

St. Hilaire doesn’t like being questioned on her political leanings, so she called the criticism “intimidation”, “threats” and “insults”.

Well, I do have some good news for St. Hilaire – this fading underwear stain of a dead movement is not alone in her struggle to accept the reality of modern Quebec. Full story can be read here, courtesy of PKP Media.

Fuck L’Anglais, Tabarnak!

Sophie Durocher must have forgotten what shit tastes like.

Sure didn’t take her long.

Feels like just yesterday that she penned a petty, biased diatribe against Jay Baruchel where she generally pissed on his name for having the ‘audacity’ to move to Toronto.

Maybe Sophie couldn’t find a date for Holy Separatist Day and her resulting frustration inspired her to lash out at the English community yet again.

What I love best is that our dear Sophie admits she frequents the businesses she names in her ‘column’ and yet feels a need to slander them in the same breath.

While St. Jean Baptiste was meant to inspire pride and celebration, it now flames the rage that plagues the dying breed that is the Pur-et-Dur.

This is all the more reason to believe the movement is finished – it’s core promoters aren’t even trying to look civil anymore.

Happy St. Jean, Sophie!

If I see you on July 1st (you know, that day we celebrate a REAL country), I’ll buy you a hotdog and a Pepsi. Totally NSA 🙂

Today Has Been Cancelled

Folks, a year ago today, something quite eventful came to pass and I was hoping to celebrate it.

I had every intention of paying an homage to this event, but the key person this all hinged on was just too arrogant to even bother answering my email regarding this anniversary with a simple “no”. I would imagine that cavorting with the community is perhaps less fun than governing over it.

Temp-pis.

With that said, screw the homage, we’ll just carry on with the task at hand of making sure the pests are kept at bay.

We’ll leave sentimentality to the separatists given their peculiar talent for living in the past.

I’m preparing for a long-weekend, but will leave you with this for your coffee talk.

Only in Quebec: “PKP gagne sa première bataille!!”

****HUGE UPDATE BELOW****

Last night the Liberals held on to Jean-Talon and stole Chauveau away from the CAQ.

The latter a big surprise that not many had expected, the former, not so much.

Know what’s an even bigger surprise than the Libs capturing Chauveau?

The PQ declaring a victory (of sorts).

Confused?

Here…let me get the PQ fan-boys/girls to explain it to you:

La victoire du à Qbec est énorme compte tenu couverture médiatique du #JdeQC_Soleil_radios poubelles qui lui était nettement défavorable

Pour un parti que les merdias croyaient fini, la remontée du est le prélude des prochaines victoires.

Qc:Bcp de positif le est est allé chercher un gros % de la qui se morcelle. Prochaines élections majoritaire

And of course, PKP’s servants aren’t shy about getting in on the act themselves. This is where our little friends got the idea that a rainbow is waiting for them in 2018.

Overall, bad news for the CAQ, great steal for the Libs and for any Pequistes reading…the Parti Conservateur du Quebec made larger gains in Chauveau than the PQ did, so don’t get too excited. 🙂

THE HUGE UPDATE:

Gilles Duceppe is back!!

Honestly, I love it. Say what you will about Gilly, but he is a character and a half.

I simply CANNOT wait to see his face go tomato-red in the coming elections…which is always ravishingly contrasted by that white mane.

Quick little open-note to Gilles:

My dear sir,

You are no Robert Bourassa. I’m sorry, but you just aren’t.

Bou-bou is in a league of his own.

I would also advise you against dreaming too big or over-estimate your name-power.

See, PKP is the PQ’s freshly-minted leader and despite that, the PQ gained no ground in yesterday’s two by-elections. Sure, you might want to argue that a gain of 5% is something to write home about, but let’s square up and call it like it is – if  higher-profile player like PKP can’t elevate the PQ’s clout by at least 20%, what can you honestly bring to the Bloc?

Separatist Roundup of the Week

Swear to God, it’s almost impossible to have a boring time in Quebec politics (whether or not the Assembly is in session).

Of course, we’ve all heard by now that separatist movement’s Vito Corleone has passed on to the big Referendum in the sky and the state will be picking up the tab for his funeral. Know what the average cost of a funeral happens to be?

Anywhere between $6K to $10K for regular. Not exactly chump change. With a price tag like that, it’d be little wonder to hear people wish the state would pick up the tab for their funerals when the big sleep arrives.

Wanna how much a state funeral costs? Put it to you this way: Jack Layton’s state funeral cost taxpayers $370K.

___________

Speaking of Parizeau, I once watched a documentary on his political life (not sure what it’s called) and it painted a portrait of a man who embodied the very mentality that fuels the separatist mentality.

While the documentary was balanced, Parizeau’s faults were laid clear:

  • Socially inept
  • Obsessive
  • Contradictory
  • Under-handed

When you put the more hardcore separatists under the microscope, you’ll find these traits in spades.

Need an example?

So glad you asked because here we go…

___________

“Un artiste ne peut pas s’exprimer à moins que ce soit pour supporter l’indépendance du Québec”

Montreal-born/raised actor/director Jay Baruchel was recently interviewed about his move to Toronto, which came  as a shock to some since Jay was known as a die-hard hometown Montreal guy. PS…he’s an ANGLOPHONE 😦

He was known to fly the Quebec colours at international events and always paid hommage to his home province, which endeared him to the Francophone side.

So when news broke out that he had “abandoned” and “betrayed” the motherland, it resulted in pretty much the same raging furor we saw regarding the Sugar Sammy billboard story.

It only took ___ Journal de Montreal “columnists” to cover this scandal

Sylvie Durocher (no wonder Gab Roy wanted to beat this woman up)

Mathieu Bock-Côté (would it be a party if he didn’t show up?)

Tania Longpré (Sorry, but I cannot take the opinion of someone with so little self-control seriously)

Even Lise Ravary got into the act for fuck’s sake. However, I have to say that I have lost respect for her and no longer trust her journalistic integrity after she deleted a column she wrote against PKP just two hours after publishing it.

Lise even went so far as to sign off with “Jay Baruchel doit des excuses à bien du monde.”

Before reading any further, why don’t you take a few seconds to read the comments section of one (or all) of those columns.

Read a few comments?

OK, now how can we apply the traits we mentioned characterize the typical separatist to the writers of those columns and the bloodthirsty jackals trolling up the comment boards?

  • Socially inept – just take a good look at the way the separatists lash out at their critics or debate opponents. To call it rabid is to be kind. 
  • Obsessive – this goes without saying, but it’s too much fun to point out. Some of these people are clearly wishing Baruchel dead for his decision.
  • Contradictory – These people were totally cool when Baruchel was still feeling good about life in Quebec, but rather than look at why he feelings have changed, its easier to judge than examine.

Bottom line on Baruchel: No Mme Ravary, Jay doesn’t owe apologies to anyone.

Unlike all of the JdM writers who slandered him and the hordes of losers who joined in their chorus of disdain, Baruchel is successful. 

This young man went and built the life he wanted. He’s the Quebec success story that these Francophone journalist and trolls wished they could have been.

This legion of haters banded together to do what they do best – burn the “individualiste” (that’s French for someone who makes shit happen) at the stake for being able to accomplish great things they’ll never be able to do because their destiny hinges on collectivism.

___________

This of course brings us to our ever lovely gentleman, PKP.

Unfortunately, no one in Quebec will launch an investigation into his dealings with his media assets since getting into politics. 

Should such an investigation take place, it would find that PKP did indeed call on his JdM writers to all scribble up that garbage about Jay Baruchel.

They would also find him red-palm guilty of ordering this trash piece the day after Parizeau’s passing.

The man is totally at the helm of the information coming out of that rag and anyone with at least two watts knows it.

Of course, for the time being, the PQ has bought itself some time by stating  it has no confidence in the National Assembly’s jurisconsulte, which makes the possibility of the investigation I wish for even more remote.

___________

I’ve made it perfectly clear that I in no way fear PKP or what he (won’t) bring to the sovereignist movement.

However, now that Vito Corleone is gone and PKP is fighting harder than ever to keep hold of his media empire and remain a political leader at the same time, you can expect an uptick in extremism.

What we’ve just seen with BaruchelGate is an example of how PKP will be using his clout to turn the movement’s lunatic fringe into drones that can be operated like robots.

Don’t think for a second that this kind of C-grade journalism will win anyone over to the YES camp – it won’t.

What it will help to do is galvanize the angry, lifeless losers who have nothing else in life, but the singular obsession with sovereignty to adopt the salesman’s rule of 7.

The rule of 7 is this: if you sincerely apply yourself to 100 pitches, you’re almost guaranteed at least 7 sales.

The logic being that if he can get at least 10,000 hardcore nutbags to pitch the Parti Quebecois/Sovereignty to at least 100 each, and get 7 people on board that’ll give the movement a boost of 70K new members/supporters…

…and that’s why the separatist movement should never be counted out before it’s official – especially with a media baron who knows a thing or two about viral marketing at the helm.

Jacques Parizeau 1930 – 2015

While I’m not going to sit here and write a tribute to Parizeau, don’t come here expecting me to dance on his grave. Not my style.

I’m only covering this occasion because love him or hate him, Parizeau embodied an aspect of the separatist movement that will follow him to the grave.

The passion and vigor Parizeau had for his movement is rooted in a bygone era whose circumstances are not transferable to this day and age.

I’ve said it before in the past – in its initial run, the separatist movement did have some merit. French Canadians weren’t getting as much of a fair shake as they should have gotten, and someone did in fact need to stand up for their collective rights.

We know who those players were.

The irony of the situation is that their initial goal with the sovereignist movement was to establish greater respect for the French-speaking members of the population and to empower them with the same benefits and opportunities all other Canadians enjoyed.

Mission accomplished (without accomplishing THE mission).

Quebec never achieved statehood, but today, the average Francophone can accomplish anything he or she sets out to do.

There are no educational barriers. The proof is in the number of Pequistes who’ve studied at McGill and Concordia (or for that matter, taught at one of the two schools).

There are no economic barriers. Poverty will never be 100% eradicated. However, Quebec’s people today enjoy just as high a standard of living as their compatriots in the ROC (they’re also the most highly-taxed, but we’ll touch on that some other time).

And there are no cultural barriers, save for the make-belief ones you find in the separatist neverland the Pequistes frolic in day after day. Quebec’s Francophone arts scene is in pretty good health considering its microtic base.

When Parizeau grew up in the 30s and 40s, the age of the Great Darkness, saying he didn’t have the same opportunities and amenities today’s youth have makes for a grand understatement. I don’t know about you, but I just can’t see such an era replicating itself in this day and age.

Today, the separatist movement has to draft its players from a youth base that is obsessed with American culture and is perma-plugged into the Facebook matrix.

When not screwing around on trivialities, this youth is focused on building their careers and buying property earlier in life than Parizeau’s era ever was.

Naturally, the members of the separatist community are grieving today, not just because they lost the patriarch of their movement, but also because they’re well aware that his passing symbolizes the end of something even greater.

I’d sign-off saying thank you to Parizeau for what he did help Francophones with, but when I look at my Francophone mother and her four siblings and what they (working-class members of the Duplessis era) all accomplished without the help of government, I’d say it’s testament that the Quebecois never needed a separatist movement to help them.

They only had to believe in themselves and repeat a popular mantra: “Si on veut, on peut.”